The Bible reading program for Shirkers and Slackers that I started last December has self-fulfilled. I am both. But still I try.
Last night I was reading in Genesis again (it’s on the Monday track – if you look at the plan you will see how much of a Shirker and Slacker I am; no coals on my head, please), and got to the part about Lot’s wife. I’ve read about Lot’s wife before and scoffed at her – who would do that?
But last night I did a double take. For the last 2.5 months and more specifically the last 2 weeks I’ve been stuck, looking to the magical date of July 15, yet also pining for what we left behind and also stressing over it because our past has quickly become an albatross on us (paying the mortgage on a house we no longer live in, while paying rent for an apartment that isn’t ours is wearing on me).
I read the section several times last night and then just stared. After all, I *had* just asked God to speak to me in a tangible way, even in Genesis. So there I was, turning back, not trusting, not wanting to trust, just wanting what I want. A big pillar of salt.
Fortunately, for me, the condition isn’t permanent. But it may take some time to shovel all of it out of the window.
This by no means is to say that we’re coming away from a Sodom situation. And the things and people I miss are miss-worthy. But my attitude in the missing hasn’t been honoring, not to Craig, not to the girls, not to God.
So here I am, trying to dissolve, and perhaps be better for the seasoning…