After much pondering through things this weekend, and really this whole semester, I’ve come to the conclusion that it just isn’t in the best interests of my children, of my husband, and of myself for me to pursue the Masters of Arts in Theological Studies during our time here. I so wanted it to work. It seemed like too good of a deal to pass up, since it is free, after all. But I’m wiped.
I’m still going to take a class here and there, I’m still going to finish the Reformation and Modern Church History class I’ve begun this semester, but I’m dropping Marriage and Family Counseling and may or may not take a summer class. I can still get a Graduate Certificate if I complete 30 hours while we are here which seems way more manageable to me right now, but even that isn’t something I feel I HAVE to do.
I’m feeling so relieved by this decision. The class I’m dropping is one I haven’t done any work for yet this semester, so in that sense it could seem like the silly one to drop because it’s required the least amount of work so far. But the fact that I’ve not done anything for it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have done something by now. I should have read two entire books by now and that’s been pressing in on me making me feel disjointed and uncompleted.
It also sounds silly to say that things will change OH SO MUCH now that I’m only dropping one class, but it isn’t just the one class – it’s the expectation I’ve placed on myself that to be “all that I can be” I really should do this. And I should do it all right now. Dropping that expectation is what is so relieving to me. I’ll take a class if I feel like it or if it interests me, but I’m not going to be a slave to a degree program check list anymore.
Ahhhh, feels so good already and I haven’t even officially dropped it yet. It was the decision that released the tension I think. Here is the statement I haven’t wanted to voice because it sounds so… I don’t know, but here it is: I’m a seminary wife first and a seminary student second. It’s time I embrace that role and live like it is true.