Is it Denial or Just Trust?

Craig has a job interview today that I’ve not really thought that much about before now. In fact, I’ve had several people approach me with excited smiles to inquire about today and each time I’ve been caught off guard – Thursday? What’s going on Thursday? Oh yes, the interview. I’m not sure why this has been my response, could be that it’s self-protective in not wanting to depend too much on the idea of a fully-paying job that is likely to allow us to pay all of our bills on time, or it could be that I’m just not worried about it at all. I don’t know.

When we lived (on support) in Colorado for all those years, I was worried about money all the time. I might have even been obsessed with it. I balanced our checkbook to the penny every single month without fail. I fretted over how we would pay off all our bills. It was a serious concern.

And honestly, I suppose it still is, only the obsession with it has gone. This is funny (a little) because our situation is much trickier now than it was then, yet I’ve not really worried about it that much. In an effort to save on our monthly required spending this year, I lowered our premium and seriously raised our deductible for health insurance, based on the fact that neither Craig nor I went to the doctor that much last year. It would figure then, that between the two of us, we’ve racked up almost $2,000 in out of pocket medical expenses for this year so far. And it’s April. I’m writing that statement without crying, without even caring, almost. It’s just the facts. They will get paid eventually. I don’t know when, but someday. I’m just not really worried about it yet.

Now then, back to the interview. Here’s my opinion: Craig is an extremely good teacher. I’m not just saying that because I’m married to him; I honestly think he’s a kick booty teacher. I think any school would greatly benefit from having him on staff. Sure, he doesn’t have the teaching certificates to prove it, but when you see him in the classroom, man. He’s good. If the school today decides to go a different direction, it should be counted as no reflection on his capacity to teach and communicate and inspire. Because he can do all those things and do them well.
And it would be great to know sometime soon that there is a job lined up that will meet our needs. We might find that out soon or we might not. I’ve just not worried about it much, or have even really thought about it much. Maybe I should be more, I don’t know. It might be trust, or it might just be denial. I have no idea.

At any rate, if you think to pray for this, the interview is this afternoon.


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