A Leak of the Semi-Serious Sort

My balloon has deflated. My firecracker has fizzled. My soda has ceased to be carbonated. I have no fight left in me and this is coming from someone who tried 45 times to get through to some other government agency last month to explain that we shouldn’t have been assessed a late fee and penalty on our property tax bill because we’d never even been billed the first time.
And that total was about $23 extra. I was willing to fight for $23. I was unable to, however, because said government agency’s phone was busy every time I called. Maybe they can take that extra $23 I sent them and install roll-over voice mail on the line that stays perpetually busy. But oh, that would require paying someone to return the call and we just can’t have that, can we?

Craig is going to handle the medical fiasco. I told him I didn’t think I could play nicely. He’s seen my balloon fly around the house this week and he sees it lying limp on the floor now. He knows I’m in no position to do anything about it.

I feel the need to add in here that I’m really not trying to sound all pity party-ish here. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us. I’m just thinking that I’m the closest to depressed that I’ve ever been and I don’t like the way that feels. It feels out of control and all look-at-me-wrong-and-I’ll-cry-so-don’t-look-at-me, okay?

I got to purchase some pretty flowers today for a mystery shop and looking at them cheers me up a bit. My sister is set to arrive any minute now and I’m really looking forward to seeing her, so that should help, too.

And I can also gain perspective by realizing that all of our children are healthy and whole and we have a house to live in, a car to drive, and so much food that some of it goes bad in the fridge.
So why is it so hard to snap out of it? If you have a human patch kit and air pump, please come over here. I’m in need of repair.

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “A Leak of the Semi-Serious Sort

  1. Rose Bexar says:

    I’ve dealt with stress anxiety in my own life for some time now, and the best patch kit I know is comedy. You can’t do anything more about your problems tonight anyway, so set your troubles aside for the evening and watch something silly with the family–VeggieTales, Marx Brothers, /The Great Race/, etc. And eat some dark chocolate and/or drink some tea, too; both are good for what ails the heart (in more ways than one).
    Sometimes, though, the only thing to do is to run crying to our Heavenly Father. Tell Him how it hurts. Tell Him that you *know* He’ll provide because He *always* provides, but you can’t see how He’ll do it this time. Pour out all your grief and anger and stress to Him. Not only do you get the release of having a good cry–like Gandalf says at the end of LOTR, “not all tears are an evil”–but you do what Scripture says, “casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7). And in my experience, He’ll give you some measure of peace at once and usually an answer soon thereafter.
    Here’s a Scripture that just came to mind, from one of my favorite Psalms: “Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the sun, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Ps. 37:5-6, NIV).
    Not lecturing, just sharing–and praying. 🙂

    Like

  2. Rose Bexar says:

    I’ve dealt with stress anxiety in my own life for some time now, and the best patch kit I know is comedy. You can’t do anything more about your problems tonight anyway, so set your troubles aside for the evening and watch something silly with the family–VeggieTales, Marx Brothers, /The Great Race/, etc. And eat some dark chocolate and/or drink some tea, too; both are good for what ails the heart (in more ways than one).
    Sometimes, though, the only thing to do is to run crying to our Heavenly Father. Tell Him how it hurts. Tell Him that you *know* He’ll provide because He *always* provides, but you can’t see how He’ll do it this time. Pour out all your grief and anger and stress to Him. Not only do you get the release of having a good cry–like Gandalf says at the end of LOTR, “not all tears are an evil”–but you do what Scripture says, “casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7). And in my experience, He’ll give you some measure of peace at once and usually an answer soon thereafter.
    Here’s a Scripture that just came to mind, from one of my favorite Psalms: “Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the sun, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Ps. 37:5-6, NIV).
    Not lecturing, just sharing–and praying. 🙂

    Like

  3. Suzanne says:

    Megan,
    I’m so sorry about your stress. I have been there before and it isn’t easy to just snap out it. My “patch kit” a few years ago was a much needed perscription from my doctor (along with lots of prayer and support from Nick). I’m not saying that’s what you need but there are times when it may be nessacary to your health. My anxiety became so bad that I was sleeping just a few hours a week. I would go days and days without any sleep and was unable to interact in a healthy manner. I was dangerously close to having sleep seizures. When I finally got medical help it was such a relief and I wish I had gone in much, much sooner. I stayed on my medication for a year, recovered mentally and physically, and learned how to better handle stress (I still have a lot to learn about this, but I’m getting better!). I don’t know how badly you really are feeling so I’m not trying to tell you that you need medicication. Just a brief story about what happened to me when my balloon became deflated. There’s a lot of stigma in the christian community about this sort of thing so people don’t really talk about medical options. That is part of the reason I suffered so long before getting help. After I started my medication and began to recover, several people that I was acquainted with from the seminary pulled me aside and awkardly asked if I had started taking antidepressants (these people weren’t friends of mine, or even each other, just people who checked out books from the library). long story somewhat shorter, both people struggled with depression, were on medication, and recognized that I really needed some help. They both said that they wanted to talk to me about their experience and what had helped them but didn’t know how to bring it up. When they saw me getting better they were brave enough to tell me about their experiences with depression and medication. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t the only christian who struggled with anxiety or the only person at seminary taking medication for it. You may not need that at all but I felt compelled to share just in case you are in a very dark place (or someone else who reads your blog is). I’ll be praying that you feel better soon.

    Like

  4. Chelsea says:

    As for the laughing-through-the-pain suggestion, I highly recommend renting “Music and Lyrics.” I giggled my way through the entire two hours. Any child of the 80s would laugh at the opening video alone.

    Like

  5. mopsy says:

    Oh, Megan. Thinking of you. I’m sorry for the way you are feeling right now. I echo the others—dive into the Word, immerse yourself in the promises of peace and rest. Watch funny movies, go on long walks, have a good cry. Let it all come out! Vent to your friends.

    Like

  6. Gina says:

    In this world you will have trouble – but take heart! I have overcome the world. -Always makes me feel better! That, and Psalm 20 – love you & praying for you.

    Like

  7. martha10 says:

    for the very reasons jess mentioned, rose’s advice is great:) i’ve been there b/f. i like the part where she said, “God, I know you’ll provide b/c you have b/f. I just can’t see how you are going to do it THIS time.” great perspective! i hope the balloon gets reinflated. you are so right! the balloon is out of air:( It’s good you are a princess and not an orphan. Let Craig deal with it and move on to something else for now while the details get worked out. i had to do that on something just this summer and it felt so good to not have to mess with the details of it. my husband followed up with it with MUCH less todo and stress on my part. i went on to the other details of life and i almost felt carefree:) m

    Like

  8. Margaret says:

    Yuck. Sorry you feel so sad. Wish I had a lot of cash or a direct line to that stinky bill.
    Does it help that you **look** absolutely fantastic?????

    Like

  9. Jess says:

    I’m so sorry Megan. You’re balloon illustration is classic. We had a student over the other night who comes from a VERY rich family (I’m talking 300 million dollars a year rich.) As we were chatting I had to hold myself back from running inside, grabbing our stack of bills and begging him to help us. His family could write a teeny tiny check and wipe out all our stress… I was very, very, almost scary how very – close I was to acting on my impulse. 🙂 Desperation is terrifying. You are right to “count your blessings” but the emotional energy it takes to steer a ship like “desperation” toward “hopefulness” is ENORMOUS. Also, impossible to do alone, usually. Wish I was really THERE with you. We will be in prayer for your heart to lift and lighten.

    Like

  10. Suzanne says:

    Megan,
    I’m so sorry about your stress. I have been there before and it isn’t easy to just snap out it. My “patch kit” a few years ago was a much needed perscription from my doctor (along with lots of prayer and support from Nick). I’m not saying that’s what you need but there are times when it may be nessacary to your health. My anxiety became so bad that I was sleeping just a few hours a week. I would go days and days without any sleep and was unable to interact in a healthy manner. I was dangerously close to having sleep seizures. When I finally got medical help it was such a relief and I wish I had gone in much, much sooner. I stayed on my medication for a year, recovered mentally and physically, and learned how to better handle stress (I still have a lot to learn about this, but I’m getting better!). I don’t know how badly you really are feeling so I’m not trying to tell you that you need medicication. Just a brief story about what happened to me when my balloon became deflated. There’s a lot of stigma in the christian community about this sort of thing so people don’t really talk about medical options. That is part of the reason I suffered so long before getting help. After I started my medication and began to recover, several people that I was acquainted with from the seminary pulled me aside and awkardly asked if I had started taking antidepressants (these people weren’t friends of mine, or even each other, just people who checked out books from the library). long story somewhat shorter, both people struggled with depression, were on medication, and recognized that I really needed some help. They both said that they wanted to talk to me about their experience and what had helped them but didn’t know how to bring it up. When they saw me getting better they were brave enough to tell me about their experiences with depression and medication. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t the only christian who struggled with anxiety or the only person at seminary taking medication for it. You may not need that at all but I felt compelled to share just in case you are in a very dark place (or someone else who reads your blog is). I’ll be praying that you feel better soon.

    Like

  11. Chelsea says:

    As for the laughing-through-the-pain suggestion, I highly recommend renting “Music and Lyrics.” I giggled my way through the entire two hours. Any child of the 80s would laugh at the opening video alone.

    Like

  12. mopsy says:

    Oh, Megan. Thinking of you. I’m sorry for the way you are feeling right now. I echo the others—dive into the Word, immerse yourself in the promises of peace and rest. Watch funny movies, go on long walks, have a good cry. Let it all come out! Vent to your friends.

    Like

  13. Gina says:

    In this world you will have trouble – but take heart! I have overcome the world. -Always makes me feel better! That, and Psalm 20 – love you & praying for you.

    Like

  14. martha10 says:

    for the very reasons jess mentioned, rose’s advice is great:) i’ve been there b/f. i like the part where she said, “God, I know you’ll provide b/c you have b/f. I just can’t see how you are going to do it THIS time.” great perspective! i hope the balloon gets reinflated. you are so right! the balloon is out of air:( It’s good you are a princess and not an orphan. Let Craig deal with it and move on to something else for now while the details get worked out. i had to do that on something just this summer and it felt so good to not have to mess with the details of it. my husband followed up with it with MUCH less todo and stress on my part. i went on to the other details of life and i almost felt carefree:) m

    Like

  15. Margaret says:

    Yuck. Sorry you feel so sad. Wish I had a lot of cash or a direct line to that stinky bill.
    Does it help that you **look** absolutely fantastic?????

    Like

  16. Jess says:

    I’m so sorry Megan. You’re balloon illustration is classic. We had a student over the other night who comes from a VERY rich family (I’m talking 300 million dollars a year rich.) As we were chatting I had to hold myself back from running inside, grabbing our stack of bills and begging him to help us. His family could write a teeny tiny check and wipe out all our stress… I was very, very, almost scary how very – close I was to acting on my impulse. 🙂 Desperation is terrifying. You are right to “count your blessings” but the emotional energy it takes to steer a ship like “desperation” toward “hopefulness” is ENORMOUS. Also, impossible to do alone, usually. Wish I was really THERE with you. We will be in prayer for your heart to lift and lighten.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s