We’ve discovered the secret to an extremely easy bed-time routine:

Get your kids up at 6 in the morning by telling them you’re leaving to catch a train in an hour; then, don’t leave for three more hours. Once at the station, stay for an additional hour. Turn a five-hour train trip into a seven-hour one and don’t arrive at your destination until smack dab in the middle of rush hour (though really, isn’t Chicago more of a “rush day”?).

Check into your hotel, then turn right around and walk them half a mile to the elevated train which is jam-packed with other people all going to the game; make them stand for the entire ride. Walk them up to the top of the stadium and make them sit through the first 8 innings of the game; reverse process. By the time you finish the half mile walk back to the hotel, quickly dip them in the tub, and tuck them in, all you have to do is walk out of the room.

Presto. Instant sleeping children.

I’m next.