Certain things have been sacrificed this semester so that I could tackle this project for GWN. The first thing was full-time homeschooling. This wasn’t necessarily a bad sacrifice – we’re not discontent with the decision to have the girls go to school two days/week – but I am discontent with the lack of flexibility I have over their education in general right now. I think we could all desperately use a fall break, but we don’t get one this year because their school isn’t taking one.
Here’s an even harder one for me to admit: I hired a gal to come and clean my house this week because I haven’t been able to do it along with everything else. She did a GREAT job and I’m feeling better just sitting here in all this cleanness; my pride, however, took a significant hit when I made the contact for her to come (this doesn’t mean I didn’t ask her to come back in two weeks).
I miss my children. I’m not sure where they went, but I think they were temporarily abducted by aliens and returned to us with attitudes that would make 1972 sit up straight and take notes. I’m not responding well to this and feel like I’m failing them in every sense.
All of these things are combining to turn me into something I never wanted to be: missing in action within my own life. I usually never want time to speed up, but I find myself pining toward December like never before. When December gets here, all of this first phase will be over with and out of my hands. The school year for the girls will be completely paid for and I will be able to enjoy Millie on those two days each week the other three are in school instead of parking her in front of the longest animated babysitter I can find for the morning.
I do still want to pursue writing for the new project if/when the new project gets decided on, but if that were to mean another 30 hour/week draw on my time, I’m going to have to say “no thanks.” It’s been a good experiment. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve been doing, but I’ve not enjoyed the consequences being paid by five other people besides me.
I will miss the cleaning lady, though. I’ve never been good at that. I just now have a really good excuse.