Buried By Life

Attack of the Killer Leaves

Certain things have been sacrificed this semester so that I could tackle this project for GWN. The first thing was full-time homeschooling. This wasn’t necessarily a bad sacrifice – we’re not discontent with the decision to have the girls go to school two days/week – but I am discontent with the lack of flexibility I have over their education in general right now. I think we could all desperately use a fall break, but we don’t get one this year because their school isn’t taking one.

Here’s an even harder one for me to admit: I hired a gal to come and clean my house this week because I haven’t been able to do it along with everything else. She did a GREAT job and I’m feeling better just sitting here in all this cleanness; my pride, however, took a significant hit when I made the contact for her to come (this doesn’t mean I didn’t ask her to come back in two weeks).

I miss my children. I’m not sure where they went, but I think they were temporarily abducted by aliens and returned to us with attitudes that would make 1972 sit up straight and take notes. I’m not responding well to this and feel like I’m failing them in every sense.

All of these things are combining to turn me into something I never wanted to be: missing in action within my own life. I usually never want time to speed up, but I find myself pining toward December like never before. When December gets here, all of this first phase will be over with and out of my hands. The school year for the girls will be completely paid for and I will be able to enjoy Millie on those two days each week the other three are in school instead of parking her in front of the longest animated babysitter I can find for the morning.

I do still want to pursue writing for the new project if/when the new project gets decided on, but if that were to mean another 30 hour/week draw on my time, I’m going to have to say “no thanks.” It’s been a good experiment. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve been doing, but I’ve not enjoyed the consequences being paid by five other people besides me.

I will miss the cleaning lady, though. I’ve never been good at that. I just now have a really good excuse.

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12 thoughts on “Buried By Life

  1. martha10 says:

    it has been a weird kind of Fall for me too…just not as many people are affected. isn’t it nice when someone can come in and clean your house when you feel overwhelmed? that is so cool! the times i have been able to do that, it has been so great and the load it takes off is fantastic:)
    i always hate that feeling of being behind in relationships that are important. fortunately, you have only made a short term commitment. I’m glad your project is going well. m

    Like

  2. Christy says:

    I empathize with you. I worked about 20 hrs from home for a year and a half after Cate was born. It was the best of “working” circumstances. We had a wonderful lady from church (Auntie Flo) come to our house to watch the children while I worked upstairs in the office. I scheduled work hours to coincide with their nap time so I wasn’t missing as much time with them. I could stop and nurse Cate when needed or stop and have lunch with them. But after a while, it became more time consuming and mind consuming, life flew out of control, and my heart ached and longed for my family. Even though we were in the same house together, it wasn’t the same. Looking back, there are many good reasons for my working during that time (for us and for others involved). But once I knew it was time to quit, I never looked back with longing. I was thankful for the experience and the things it brought about but was so relieved to let it go.
    Thinking of you as you go through this part of your journey!

    Like

  3. Chelsea says:

    I’m right with you on the buried-by-life thing, but I haven’t even had time to call a housekeeper. Tonight I have a mystery shop and I’m going BY MYSELF so I can take work with me. I can edit a manuscript and eat a nice dinner and take notes on the service and enjoy some time alone all in one shot. But then I’ll be up ’til midnight writing the report. It’ll be worth it though.

    Like

  4. caron easley says:

    you have a blog? haha.
    hang in there megan. i miss your blog posts (especially the mishaps that take place!) but your brain is beckoned elsewhere.
    that cleaning lady idea sounds awesome. i want a “dishes lady”. 🙂 NO GUILT!

    Like

  5. martha10 says:

    it has been a weird kind of Fall for me too…just not as many people are affected. isn’t it nice when someone can come in and clean your house when you feel overwhelmed? that is so cool! the times i have been able to do that, it has been so great and the load it takes off is fantastic:)
    i always hate that feeling of being behind in relationships that are important. fortunately, you have only made a short term commitment. I’m glad your project is going well. m

    Like

  6. Christy says:

    I empathize with you. I worked about 20 hrs from home for a year and a half after Cate was born. It was the best of “working” circumstances. We had a wonderful lady from church (Auntie Flo) come to our house to watch the children while I worked upstairs in the office. I scheduled work hours to coincide with their nap time so I wasn’t missing as much time with them. I could stop and nurse Cate when needed or stop and have lunch with them. But after a while, it became more time consuming and mind consuming, life flew out of control, and my heart ached and longed for my family. Even though we were in the same house together, it wasn’t the same. Looking back, there are many good reasons for my working during that time (for us and for others involved). But once I knew it was time to quit, I never looked back with longing. I was thankful for the experience and the things it brought about but was so relieved to let it go.
    Thinking of you as you go through this part of your journey!

    Like

  7. Chelsea says:

    I’m right with you on the buried-by-life thing, but I haven’t even had time to call a housekeeper. Tonight I have a mystery shop and I’m going BY MYSELF so I can take work with me. I can edit a manuscript and eat a nice dinner and take notes on the service and enjoy some time alone all in one shot. But then I’ll be up ’til midnight writing the report. It’ll be worth it though.

    Like

  8. caron easley says:

    you have a blog? haha.
    hang in there megan. i miss your blog posts (especially the mishaps that take place!) but your brain is beckoned elsewhere.
    that cleaning lady idea sounds awesome. i want a “dishes lady”. 🙂 NO GUILT!

    Like

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