Day: September 2, 2008

Ready to Call It, Doctor?

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Time of death: August 25, 2008. Cause: Plant killer in gardener’s clothing

Sad

I watched in awe and envy as friends all over blog world sprouted gardens to write books about. Or at least blog posts about. The great attempt to grow a tomato which began with no less than 40 sprouts came to a decisive end last week as I realized there was no way on earth these plants were going to do anything other than shrivel up and die.

Craig came home that night and said, “You do many things well. Gardening, however, is not on that list.” In his defense, he was trying to compliment me with the “many things well” part. Okay, so I have limitations. The bulk of the expense of this endeavor, though, came in the containers and soil. I’m saving both and going to give it one more shot next year, only with plants next time and not seeds. I learned some things, sure, but we’ll see if I can work myself out of my Mary Contrary nickname by next summer.

Until then, we’ll just keep buying our ketchup, salsa, and spaghetti sauce from the store like we’ve been doing for almost 12 years now. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

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Sometimes I Just Sit Here

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The house is quiet and everyone is asleep. I have a choice to make regarding what I’m going to do with the next couple of hours. I could be responsible and go to sleep. Or I could be responsible and tidy something up. Or I could be responsible and print out our lesson plans for this week. Or I could just sit here and stare at the living room, the furniture arrangement, the books on the shelves, the photos on the walls. Guess which option usually wins?

I don’t necessarily think sitting here and staring is a waste of time. Sitting here and blog surfing? Maybe, but staring around the room? Not so much. Because when I do this, when it’s silent, when I’m alone, when I’m not distracting myself with the words of others, I sometimes think; and what I think is sometimes hard.

I’m not a political analyst. I’m not going to pretend to be able to intelligently answer the oh-so-consuming question of whether or not we should, in good faith, be so enthusiastic about voting for the McCain/Palin ticket. You know, I’m wrestling through it, too.

I’m not willing to say she shouldn’t do it. I’m also not willing to say she should. Right now that doesn’t seem to matter, for she is. (Oh, that and the fact that nobody asked me my opinion before selecting her). And as she is, do we vote for her? What are the alternatives? Given the alternatives, probably I will vote for her, regardless of whether or not I agree with her choice to be in this position.

It feels weird, though. I just want to go on record as saying that. It’s weird because I do believe in the role of women in the home. It’s also weird because I am excited about the prospect of actually being represented by someone who understands my life, and I’m wresting through whether or not those two things must be mutually exclusive. I simply don’t know.

So, tonight, as I sit here and stare, that’s the question on my heart. I have no idea what God is going to do. For tonight, I’m just glad to have a reason to care again.