I thought I could get away with just writing about something as trivial as a piece of kitchen gadgetry tonight, but I’m not sure I really can.
I’ve got some issues I’m not sure even I know how to properly name.
I think it might have something with sending two of my kids off to school this year.
There is this lie I am choosing to believe that I am a parenting failure by not continuing to homeschool all four of my kids.
And I’m a bit conflicted in my role as a director of a homeschool program.
A pretty successful homeschool program.
An emotionally demanding homeschool program.
I saw my two oldest kids for about a total of 20 minutes today.
I did not like that one bit.
I took a peek at the math book my 5th grader brought home tonight.
I am not a fan.
So I feel guilty for sending her to a school where they do a math program I’m not a fan of.
Because I’m rational like that.
My two youngest finished all their school work today in about four hours.
And I kept thinking we were missing something.
So there’s guilt with that.
Even though I probably did more with those two today educationally speaking than I’ve ever done with them.
But I have to feel this guilt.
It’s what I do.
I had a fair amount of hard parent conversations last week about my homeschool group.
I cried myself to sleep one night last week because of it.
Because I hate making decisions that other people don’t like.
Because my heart is sad when not everyone agrees.
Because I like everything to be pink and covered in rainbows.
But the more people who gather together, the more likely I’m going to make somebody really mad about a program decision.
And when they get mad I get sad.
And then I have to wear my new t-shirt.
Here’s a picture of my new t-shirt:
My friend Becky designed the shirt for me after I joked in an email that I wanted her to do it. I think maybe she was afraid I would take it personally if she didn’t.
I like to make cute stuff.
I made my girls some cute book covers for school.
But one I made tonight was too small and it ripped when I tried to slide the book on it.
It’s Monday night and it’s the end of the third day of school.
It’s going to be a long year.