…who has the biggest blog of all?

And just like that, suddenly I don’t really care that much anymore.

There is this enormous mirror in the bathroom of my hotel room. There is nothing like staring at yourself in an enormous mirror and underneath some super bright lights to make you take some serious stock of what’s really what. There are things about yourself that you normally let slide that you simply can’t ignore when you are standing right there. The mirror doesn’t lie.

I’m feeling like this entire weekend of being at The Relevant Conference has been like standing in front of an enormous internal mirror. I feel like I’m standing square under these super bright lights. I’m seeing things in myself right now that before have been really easy to ignore.

It’s an uncomfortable place for me to be. And right now it’s a really right place for me to be.

I prefer a dimmed version of life. When it’s night and my house is on the messy side, a soft lamp covers a multitude of household sins. The house we live in right now has no overhead lighting in the living room at all so we’ve lived a lamp-lit existence for two years now.

I’ve lived a lamp-lit existence in my heart for quite a bit longer than that.

1 John 1:5-9 says this:

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

In him is no darkness at all. Not even that of a lamp-lit existence.

I don’t know what is really about to change in my heart, but I know something is.

And this is where I’m starting.

On my knees.