This is part two of the story of Something Different, Something Big.
So. I was right, right? Here’s more to the story.
The email arrived on Friday, February 4. I’m trying to remember what happened that evening. I believe it involved a lot of driving kids from one place to another and then picking them up again. I remember being exhausted that night and I remember we all went to bed pretty early.
And then I remember waking up at 4:30 the next morning because one of our wretched beloved cats had recently begun a pee protest in our bedroom. I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure it was Ricky’s way of telling us, “I HATE THAT DOG ALREADY AND YOU NEED TO KNOW IT. WATCH ME AS I PEE ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR!”
Ricky wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box, though, and he always outted himself by scratching the carpet as though he would be able to cover his deed. His scratching woke me up at 4:30 and I woke up in a crazy white hot rage. I don’t think I realized exactly what time it was or that my action of yelling at him at the top of my lungs might wake up the other five members of my family. I do remember thinking, “I’m going to find that blasted cat and I’m going to kill him. I’m actually going to wring his neck and kill him.” I started chasing this cat around my house at 4:30 in the morning.
As I ran down the stairs I was startled to see Craig was already down there. I thought he was still in bed ignoring my threats to undo the only other male member of our household.
Keep in mind, I was not actually coherent at this point. I was just exhausted and livid. He looked up at me wondering what in the heck I was doing tearing down the stairs after a CAT at 4:30 in the morning. I looked at him without asking why he was up and calmly said, “I’m going to kill Ricky and then I’m going back to bed.”
I proceeded with my hunt, but Ricky had gone somewhere only bad cats can go and I couldn’t find him. I conceded my defeat and sat down on one of the living room chairs for a moment. Craig asked me if I was awake. I gave him one of my best, “What are you, nuts?” looks and said I really wasn’t and was going back to sleep. He said, “Well, I’m not really good at this, but you are never up this early in the morning, so I’m taking this as a sign I have something to tell you.”
Keeping in mind it’s still 4:30ish in the morning, I’m barely awake, save for a desperate plea to avenge justice on one very bad cat and all I can think of when I hear this coming from Craig is, “Oh no, this can’t be good. There’s no way this is good.” My gracious response was something like, “I guess you need me to clear a spot at the table then, huh?”
He gave me grace and didn’t say anything as I stumbled into the dining room and shoved the latest visible proof of life from one side of the table to the other and sat down. He sat down. He pushed the email in front of me. I began to read. I began to cry. I said, “I know I’ve been saying I thought something would change and we would find out in February, but that didn’t mean I really WANTED it to!”
Truly I’m a piece of work.
He’d already begun a pros and cons list and asked me to add to it. I did the best I could at what was quickly approaching 5 in the morning. He asked me what I thought. I said I wasn’t sure what I thought but I think we both already knew how this was going to go down.
God had been preparing me for this since November. I knew the second I read that email that this was the change I had been expecting. What I didn’t know was how emotionally wrenching the weeks to follow would become as we walked through the process of determining if this was, indeed, the direction we were to go in.
To be continued…