For all of our protective packaging, some of us just arrive broken wherever it is we’re going. Often it isn’t really our fault; it’s just the way it goes sometimes. Maybe you were dropped by UPS or maybe you had a bad run-in with the muffin pan taking the ride alongside you. Whatever the cause, the result is the same. Broken. In need of help. In need of renewal.
I read a lot of things on the internet as an escape from what my own reality at any given moment might be. But here’s the truth – many thoughts that are prevalant on the internet don’t actually help me. So much perfection. So much expertise. So much game face. So much. All the time.
I will start to write something, but quickly realize I don’t have a perfect perspective on whatever it is I’m about to say, so I just don’t say anything at all. I don’t have an expert take on raising tweens. My game face is pretty much reserved for Cardinals baseball and we left that behind almost a year ago.
But right now I do feel compelled to say something. Something a little messy. You ready?
Last Saturday I asked a gal to come clean my house for me. You want to know how that feels to me? It feels like complete and utter failure. I’m a stay-at-home mom, for crying out loud. I should be able to get the toilets clean once/week.
But I don’t.
So I swallowed my very dusty pride and gave her a call. She’s in a tough spot and I know she needs the money. I’m in a unique spot and can earn some money by writing some compensated posts (I know…ugg). Seems like we can help each other out a bit here. Maybe redeem a little of the brokenness in each other.
My 13yo is struggling with math again. Her lessons are reaching right at the point that I’m having a difficult time helping her. I suggested on Monday that we call a tutor for help. She did not want to do that. Her pride is apparently a function of x in which x looks an awful lot like me.
I called the tutor anyway. The tutor helped. A lot. On Wednesday when M13 struggled again, she came to me and suggested that maybe it would be good to have the tutor enter into our lives on a weekly basis. I concurred. The tutor is gifted in math and we’re in need of some math redemption in our lives here.
And once again I’m realizing that for all of our “I DO IT MYSELF” mentality, we really do function as a community and we need others in our lives. Sometimes involving others in our lives means involving ourselves in theirs as well.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this right now other than to say that I want to be real with you. I want to be awesome and perfect and skinny and witty and home-magazine snazzy for you, but the truth is that I had to hire a cleaning lady to help me keep my head above water.
And as much as I balked at doing that on the front end, I have no regrets right now. Maybe this whole dusting off our pride thing really isn’t so bad after all.
I’m getting ready to go party with a bunch of 3rd graders, Easter style, so I’ll leave you with my online therapist, Sara Groves.
Hope you’re having an honest spring.
Half-Pint House 
I’m grateful for your truthfulness and for a house cleaner who keeps my head above water also!
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Love this post, Megan. I value the keeping-it-real attitude far more than the game-face one. We need more confessions, less perfection. Muchas gracias!
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I like real. I like you.
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Thank you, Megan! I have felt broken today (frequently!) and appreciate your words here!
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Thank you for your honesty. Feeling very dependent on others right now, but there is truly no way around it. I’m not a wonder woman. Yes, I am broken. Yes, I am in need. It is actually freeing to come to that realization.
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Wow. I needed that. My husband suggested this week that maybe we needed some housekeeping help. I felt like someone had stamped “failure at entire life” on my head and hung me on a rejection rack.
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Beautiful. An absolutely beautiful post, Megan.
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So funny. I was thinking yesterday how funny it was that I have never written about the lady who cleans my house every other week. I was thinking that it would be the ultimate admission of . . .well, failure. ” I’m a stay at home mom for pete’s sake”. Thanks for being brave and needy and honest. Miss you.
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I recently broke down and found someone to help me with heavy housework too. Because we are relatively new in the area I didn’t know where to get started so I had to swallow my pride and ask around to the friends we’ve made at church, thus admitting in front of people who actually know us that my house is a mess and I cannot seem to get the bathroom cleaned even though I am a stay at home mom and I only have two kids. And you know what? I got like four phone numbers and no judgment. Apparently no one is getting the bathroom cleaned on a regular basis. WHO KNEW?
Love it that you shared.
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Love that. I have had a few more gals “out” themselves since I wrote this – either to say they also get help, the used to get help, or they would like to get help and could I give them the name of the gal who is helping me. 🙂
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