I really dislike dieting. *cough, sputter* I know. Surprising, right? I usually last about 3 weeks on any given hard life-style change endeavor and then I go right back to what’s easy and comfortable. There was a point around 2007 where I stuck with a weight loss program for about 3 months and lost about 18 pounds or so. And then came the fall (in both senses of the word) – fall cookies, cider, parties, Halloween, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, EVERYTHING. I didn’t gain those 18 pounds back by the end of that year, but eventually I did gain them back and I added an additional 16.
That’s where I found myself at the beginning of this summer – frustrated and heavy in both heart and clothes.
So now here I am, just a few days shy of the 3 month mark since beginning the Shaklee Cinch Program. I’ve lost 18 pounds. And…I’m tired of trying.
Also, I just officially finished Week 10, Day 3 of the 9 Week Couch-to-5K program. When I finished the program with three weeks left until my 5K, a friend suggested I go back to week 7 and do 7, 8, and 9 again. She’s a runner and I trusted her opinion, so that’s what I’m doing. Today I did 2.77 miles at a 12:36 minute/mile pace. But…I’m tired of trying.
This week we launched our Night and Day Retreats for our Rhetoric School and Logic School students. I’m in charge of the food, but it’s all campy, so we’re talking grilled hot dogs, chips, grapes, and S’mores plus a whole plethora of goodies the kids are bringing with them from home. We just finished the first retreat (for the Rhetoric School) yesterday and we start the second one (for the Logic School) tonight. I’m telling you that to tell you this: I did not do well during the first retreat. I can say no to preparing the stuff and I can say no to bringing it into my house. BUT – if it’s right there in front of me and I’m handling it for several hours, I really REALLY have a hard time saying no. Grilled hot dogs? yes. S’mores? yes. Cider? yes. Chocolate Covered Krispy Kreme Donuts? yes. (yes. and yes.)
So let’s just say that my weight loss has stalled a bit since Friday. It’s right HERE where I want to just give up, give in, and embrace the easy.
But then I look at the photo above and I remember how good hard feels after you’ve done it. What you see in the photo above is a 45-foot tall climbing apparatus with a zip line attached. You see my 8yo, my 10 yo, my husband, and myself all at the top of this thing. Climbing it was NOT EASY. Not for me, at least. I was wearing sandals which is so not protocol. I’m no wilderness staff, but even I know enough to know that. But up I went anyway. I followed my 8yo who motored her way up like she’d been practicing in our backyard for years. She chanted to herself, “It’s just a ladder. It’s just a ladder.” After her went my 10yo who was super freaked out by it and really almost came back down. To the side, some 25 high school kids stood cheering her on, telling her she could do it. And she did. Then me. Shaking on the inside. And on the outside.
So it was hard. But it was good. And we were so proud of ourselves and each other for having done it after we did it.
Then this morning I stepped on the scale and faced my hot-dog and Krispy Kreme-induced reality. It was right at that moment I had a choice to make. 3 months, 18 pounds, fall is here. I’ve been here before. I know what it means. And every ounce of my being was screaming NO while I laced up my tennis shoes. And every bit of me was telling me I had too much to do today (true) and was too tired from the first retreat (also true) and that I deserved one more donut and a lazy morning in bed…Not. True.
I went outside and did the hard thing. And here’s what’s funny: In spite of my weight loss stall (slight gain), apparently I’ve still been losing in the inch department. After doing the 5 minute walk portion, I started to jog. And the yoga pants I’ve been wearing all summer started falling down. Silly, right? I thought I just hadn’t tied them up, so I tried to do that while jogging and holding my phone (I don’t recommend that move…) – I did what I thought was tighten the strings and tied them up again. I continued to jog and my pants continued to fall down. I ended up completing a 1 mile loop around my block with one hand on the waistband of my pants to keep me from flashing the neighbors, dashing back inside the house, changing into another pair of pants, and then completing the program.
When I came back in, I remeasured myself and realized I’ve lost an additional 5.75 inches since I last measured.
My resolve is back. I can climb the pole. I can say no to S’mores. I can keep jogging even when I REALLY don’t feel like it. Because I remember what it feels like after I did the hard thing and stepped off the platform – I did it. It was awesome. And knowing what I knew at the end, I’d totally go back and do it again.