Or pity party. I think I was having one of those over on the bleachers while my kids played in the pool tonight. It was a long day and the boys, who did fine most of the day, completely went BERSERK around dinner time tonight and I joined them in this because I allowed them to drive me completely over the edge. They had swimming lessons tonight, only they almost didn’t because we almost just put their butts in bed and called it a day. But I really wanted someone else to handle them for a little bit…even a little tiny bit. So off we went. And the boys did great for swimming lessons and then resumed BERSERK immediately after. I’m telling you, bedtime couldn’t come soon enough tonight. So we brought them back home and put them to bed and left them here with Craig and we went back because the girls wanted to play in the pool during open swim time which didn’t start until 8:15. And they had some issues of their own tonight which contributed to my own version of BERSERK and I just sat on the bleachers for 30 minutes watching them and wondering what the heck is wrong with me.

It’s 11:30 now and I’m better, but still edgy. Usually my immediate family is exempt from my introverted need to be alone for some segment of the day, but something internally has gotten skewed with the arrival of the boys and the boys aren’t necessarily exempt from that which means that I’m completely drained after a day with them. And on a Tuesday when I’m alone with them all day and then the rest of the crew comes home from school, I struggle because I REALLY want to want to see them and I also really need to go curl up in a corner somewhere and suck my thumb for a few minutes. This moment right now…this very second…it’s the first time I’ve been alone since the moment I woke up this morning because two girls just wanted to stay up doing homework, only they were also super chatty the whole time and…yep.

Also this: I made 5 loaves of banana bread tonight and 2 banana cakes. I’m still waiting for one of the cakes to finish up and I also still have about 8-9 bananas left I didn’t use and the obvious question here is why the heck did I have so many frozen bananas and why did I feel compelled to pull them ALL out tonight and use them?

I do not know. Only I do know that I added chocolate chips to the banana bread tonight and it was good.

And that’s about it for today. Sleep, come quickly.