(There used to be a photo here of cows behind a fence )
Is it the cows who are fenced in here or is it simply that I’m the one kept from them by way of this chain link barrier?
Perspective, right? Every side has two stories? Every song more than one verse?
There is a court appointment this week that could have major bearing on the near future (and ultimately FUTURE future) of our boys. One option is that they go back to live with the parent they’ve already been removed from multiple times. This is the option the case worker is pushing for. The other option is that they continue to stay with us in a state of “emergency” care indefinitely. Why emergency care? Because there are no long term foster families willing to take two preschool age boys. Period.
I can weigh the pros and cons of every scenario. Ideally, do we want these kids to be with their biological parent? In a perfect world, yes. Based on the information I’ve been given over the past 3+ months this does not seem like a wise decision. But then our experience with DHS this year hasn’t led us to believe that wisdom is a card they play that often.
Ideally, should WE keep them indefinitely? In a perfect world, yes. Because we should. But there is a reason there are no long term foster families willing to take two preschool age boys – preschool age boys are a boatload of work. Times 2. And we’re growing a bit on the weary side, while simultaneously praying God would give us a heavenly dose of 5-hour energy and love for these boys that would transcend our own personal desires.
Ideally, should these boys be taken in by a long-term family? In a perfect world, yes. But as we all know we don’t live in a perfect world.
When you are an emergency care family, you get really used to believing your kids are going to get transferred at any given moment. So when the boys came, I never in a zillion years (ie: 3+ months) thought they would still be with us come summer. When you think kids are going to get moved at any moment, you just don’t really make long-term plans for them.
When the family who was planning to take them changed their plans a few weeks ago, we had to quickly wrap our brains around the idea that these boys could really be with us for a while. In an effort to help with this, I made myself acquainted with the local public school and got the oldest officially enrolled in kindergarten for the fall. I made contact with a preschool for the younger one and am crossing my fingers and praying like mad this preschool will take him for the summer too.
So I made plans. And two days after doing so I found out they might end up back home by mid-June.
Because that’s what happens with this gig. Either you don’t make plans and they are with you forever or you do make plans and they are never fulfilled.
And in the end who really knows what the best path is here? I’m on one side of the fence just trying to figure it all out.
3 thoughts on “Perspective”
Wow – so hard. I can imagine you are exhausted – and not knowing the if’s and when’s make it more exhausting somehow, I’m sure.
Good on you Megan. I will be praying for the right outcome for your family and for these boys!
Oh wow can I relate! We had a little guy for 4 months whom I had thought may be able to keep (in my naivete). It turned out that he and my own already adopted 2 year old son were not a good mix…at all. He couldn’t return to his mom and it took them four months to find a foster adoptive placement. Four very LONG months. We did get to keep in touch with him and were blessed to be invited to and attend his adoption hearing, but he was our hardest placement by far. I was relieved when he left.
Oh Megan, isn’t DHS disappointing? My cousin (and dear friend) is fostering two boys (twins) age 14 months. She and her husband have been trying for a year to adopt these boys (whose father is in prison, and whose mother has lost ALL SIX of her other children). The case seems clear cut, and yet they wade through oceans of red tape and governmental muddy waters.
The system is so broken and seems totally un-fixable. But she, like you, has decided that she will try to be a tiny light in the darkness for these two boys. I pray that the right thing will happen for you, and that God gives you peace in the mean time.