So I didn’t want to go to church today.

City Presbyterian Church in Oklahoma CityEver have one of those days in which you just want to tape a roll of bubble wrap all around you so you neither feel anything nor break in transit? Yep. I had one of those days today. I’m back to the whole thing of thinking I don’t really show stress that often, but when I do it’s always with tears and always in public. That was pretty much me all day today. Just feeling a combination of exhausted, alone, misunderstood, and all around yucky. I did not want to go to church today. I made myself go, but only because Chloe was scheduled to play the prelude. And as much as I’d love to tell you this is one of those stories of pushing through and going anyway and being so glad you did, that really didn’t happen yesterday. I sat in the furthest back corner all by myself on purpose. I walked out when the “meet and greet” time happened. I cried through most of the service and have no idea what Doug preached on. I took communion, but I’m wondering now if maybe I shouldn’t have. I then left a note for my girls telling them I would be in the van and I bolted 5 minutes before dismissal because I didn’t want to have to talk to anybody.

And I don’t have any lovely way to wrap this up other than to say that some days are just like this. And I wonder if it’s possible to feel the foster care equivalent of postpartum depression and if that’s maybe where I’m going with this.

I have no idea. So I hope tomorrow will be better and I’ll try again next week.

 

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2 thoughts on “So I didn’t want to go to church today.

  1. Ann Louise says:

    Megan, about 4 months after the current 2 we have, I went to my psychiatrist, told her how I had been feeling for a while, and she DOUBLED my antidepressant. It did make an amazing and significant difference, but I was shocked she saw fit to do so much. It is a miserable feeling. I am sorry that you have to feel such defeat. I am glad you are hanging in there. Praying for you.

    Like

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