When A4 and R3 left us in June it came as a surprise and it didn’t. We knew that was possible, we just didn’t know they would call one morning, while I was out of town, and come get them that afternoon.
I distinctly remember feeling desperate in April of this year. We were still an emergency-placement home and we never really thought they boys would be with us as long as they were with us, thus I didn’t really fully incorporate them into my family mindset like I might otherwise have done. At least I didn’t do that for the first month or two. By June it had pretty much happened. And our whole family has felt the gap those two stinkers left when they moved in with their relative.
But knowing their history and how many homes they’ve been in, I made clear to their case worker that if that placement failed we wanted them back. We said we would become a long-term family if that happened. We agreed to bring them into our family.
I got a call the first week of school asking if I was serious about that claim. I said we were. And then I heard nothing. Following an internal hunch, I called her back earlier this week to see what was going on with the boys. She said they were going to have to move. I said when do you want to bring them over?
From where we sit we have no idea what the future holds here. Will their situation deem them never able to be adopted, yet always in the system? And if so, are we willing to foster parent them as though we had adopted them for the sake of providing stability and family even when the system says otherwise?
And are we crazy for even thinking about doing this?
And then what if they are with us three years and suddenly become adoptable? What then? Do we hand them over to a family who has been waiting for such a moment or do we make official what we’ve been living all that time?
And who even knows what three years will hold?
And who even knows if what we’ve been told is going to happen is going to happen? We’re in the process of preparing for it anyway. Maddie has the biggest room. Chloe has the one best suited to brothers. The girls are taking this weekend to make the switch. Chloe is moving out all of her things from her room. Maddie is moving over and preparing to permanently share again.
And there are big, brave words being spoken and there are soft mixed feelings being whispered.
I think we’re all a little scared.
And yet we’re all a whole lot sure. This is the right thing and it seems to be the Lord’s leading and we will follow it.
Even when it’s hard.
Even when it doesn’t make sense.