Prepping for Crazy

When A4 and R3 left us in June it came as a surprise and it didn’t. We knew that was possible, we just didn’t know they would call one morning, while I was out of town, and come get them that afternoon.

Poof. Gone.

I distinctly remember feeling desperate in April of this year. We were still an emergency-placement home and we never really thought they boys would be with us as long as they were with us, thus I didn’t really fully incorporate them into my family mindset like I might otherwise have done. At least I didn’t do that for the first month or two. By June it had pretty much happened. And our whole family has felt the gap those two stinkers left when they moved in with their relative.

But knowing their history and how many homes they’ve been in, I made clear to their case worker that if that placement failed we wanted them back. We said we would become a long-term family if that happened. We agreed to bring them into our family.

I got a call the first week of school asking if I was serious about that claim. I said we were. And then I heard nothing. Following an internal hunch, I called her back earlier this week to see what was going on with the boys. She said they were going to have to move. I said when do you want to bring them over?

From where we sit we have no idea what the future holds here. Will their situation deem them never able to be adopted, yet always in the system? And if so, are we willing to foster parent them as though we had adopted them for the sake of providing stability and family even when the system says otherwise?

And are we crazy for even thinking about doing this?

And then what if they are with us three years and suddenly become adoptable? What then? Do we hand them over to a family who has been waiting for such a moment or do we make official what we’ve been living all that time?

And who even knows what three years will hold?

And who even knows if what we’ve been told is going to happen is going to happen? We’re in the process of preparing for it anyway. Maddie has the biggest room. Chloe has the one best suited to brothers. The girls are taking this weekend to make the switch. Chloe is moving out all of her things from her room. Maddie is moving over and preparing to permanently share again.

And there are big, brave words being spoken and there are soft mixed feelings being whispered.

I think we’re all a little scared.

And yet we’re all a whole lot sure. This is the right thing and it seems to be the Lord’s leading and we will follow it.

Even when it’s hard.

Even when it doesn’t make sense.

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8 thoughts on “Prepping for Crazy

  1. Christina says:

    You all sound like you’re right where a mother would be before she goes into labor for the first time. “Our life will change”, “Nothing will be like it was”, “what if something were to happen to them”, “My space is no longer mine” etc. You all are and will be amazing for these two boys or whoever ends up there. I am sure that they have missed your presence and your consistent and faithful love.

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  2. Amber Hocker says:

    Praying for you all!!! I completely understand the feelings and you don’t know what will happen, but as I was praying at 5 this morning while feeding baby E…..I just have to lay all of it at the feet of Jesus and go with it. We have a HUGE court coming up Monday (pre-trial for termination) and I am scared b/c I do not have a CLUE how it’s gonna go based on info. I have received….so I am at the end of me (thank goodness right) and giving it to Jesus….For He knows the plans for us and for those boys! I think you all are AWESOME, your whole family, and I will be praying for you all!!!

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  3. Gretchen says:

    Prayers! I’ve often thought about those little guys, maybe because we have little boys , too, and I know what it’s like. How sweet, loving, adorable, naughty, loud, dirty, hilarious they are…how could they not claim your hearts? You can’t go wrong opening your hearts up, whether it’s a forever deal or not. The foggy nature of not knowing shows you now, more than ever, how much God is guiding and steering those little dudes to where he wants them to be. Did you see this happening last April?

    Right now, that place is with you, and I can’t think of a better place. Enjoy! I really, really wish you were close enough to get all the little guys together for an epic playdate.

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  4. Megan says:

    Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! We’re still kind of holding our breath to see if it actually happens. We know anything can happen between now and October 9, but we’re functioning right now like it is going to happen. Wild ride ahead!

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  5. Deanne says:

    I have been where you are. I am now guardian for children that I originally had as foster children. At first it was expected to be very temporary, then I was told several times to get ready to adopt them. Then they went back to their mother after 2.5 years. There was a relapse and now I am their legal guardian in an effort to keep them from having to go back in to the system. I admire what you are doing. We can’t save all of the kids. But you can save those 2 from countless placements. I can save my 2 from the same. It’s all we can do. God bless you. It may hurt like crazy, but I don’t believe you’ll ever regret the choice to try and give these kids a hope and a future.

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    • Megan says:

      Deanne, I so appreciate hearing from you on this. And thank you for your heart for those two kids. I keep hearing your words, “We can’t save everyone but we can help two” echo in my head and that’s helpful.

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