I’m reading a book by Susan Hunt called Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. I’m only halfway through right now, but have been so encouraged by her words.

As one who has embraced a more extreme version of all things Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 in the past, I have been more hesitant to align myself with women who get too excited about these passages. I’ve done a disservice to myself and others because of this.

The funny thing is that I found this book quite by accident. For my Introduction to Biblical Counseling class, I have to do a concept map of my model of counseling, or framework of counseling. I’ve read four of the five assigned books for the class so far and while they have been good to read, I haven’t figured out really how to apply the principles in them into the particular way I will possibly be put into “counseling” situations with women in the future. I am neither going into professional counseling, nor will I be pastoring (I know, you’re surprised by this). Both of those situations make up the majority of my classmates. So instead of reading the last assigned book, Strategic Pastoral Counseling (which I’m sure is a good book and one I will eventually get to), I did a little hunt-and-peck searching on google and came up with the current selection.

So far, it’s going on my very short list of favorite books for women, the other being Andi Ashworth’s book (which I promote all the time already). Amazon wasn’t carrying this new, but half.com has a plethora of them, so if you have some extra cash, I think this would be a good investment for you.

Here are a few of the little tidbits I’ve been encouraged by so far:

“My working definition for the spiritual mothering relationship is this: When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God’s glory”

“Apparently Paul did not expect or want the women in the Cretan church to change their conduct without changing their thinking. He wanted them to think Christianly so that they would act Christianly. And sound doctrine is essential for right thinking.”

“Titus was not told to teach those women who were interested in signing up for the course.The command seems to be inclusive. The older women in the congregation were to be taught how to live in accordance with sound doctrine so that they could train the younger women – no exceptions.”

“To think of yourself as a woman of ’sound doctrine’ and ’spiritual maturity’ may seem presumptuous. Perhaps you feel an element of relief because your assessment is that you can honestly disqualify yourself on the basis of these qualifications. Don’t sell yourself short, and don’t rob the kingdom of what you have to offer! If you are a Christian woman who is seeking to grow in the faith and to live obediently, then you are qualified for spiritual motherhood. If you are not seeking to grow in the faith and live obediently, then you have a problem that needs to be confronted! Sound doctrine does not mean that you are a theological expert. Spiritual maturity does not mean that you have reached super sainthood. It does mean that you are growing in your knowledge of the Word and in your desire to apply the Word to every area of your life.”

This subject has been brewing in my brain for a few weeks now and I just can’t keep from writing on it anymore. The issue? Christians (and specifically I’m thinking of PCA Presbyterians because they are the ones I’m constantly surrounded by) and their precious freedoms.

I want to start by saying I do not take issue with beer-drinking Christians (remember, I grew up Southern Baptist and in Oklahoma, too, so I used to have a reason to take issue with beer-drinking Christians). Contrary to the way I thought 12-13 years ago, I no longer hold to the notion that it is an automatic strike for a Christian to partake in things of this nature. I enjoy a good Bacardi Razz myself on occasion.

The issue I have is with Christians who look at others who don’t drink or smoke cigars or watch R-rated movies as the automatic weaker brother. If someone invites me over to their home and offers me wine and I politely say, “No thank you,” it is simply because I do not enjoy the taste of wine. I am not making a judgment upon them for offering it to me, I do not look down on them for enjoying a glass of it while I stick with water. I am simply saying I’d prefer not to have any, in much the same way I would politely turn down a piece of coconut-cream pie if offered one (I’ve never cared for coconut). As I don’t cast a judgment on the offerer for offering it, I would appreciate not having judgment cast on me for not accepting.

I know what I’m about to say does not apply to all of the people I see around here and, if hard-pressed, I would like to believe everyone I’m thinking of would say something similar if asked. Yet the vibe that can come across is: you do not use your freedoms, so you take issue with those who do. And since you take issue with those who do, then I will one-up it and make you feel like the weaker brother (sister) for not participating.

If we’re about grace, then can’t we (and I’m speaking to myself as well) try to do a better job extending some, believing the best about those around us? If you believe you have the freedom to drink, that’s fine. I do, too. I don’t like to drink very much, so I don’t very much. Please show me some grace when you see me not drinking when you are. If you don’t believe you have the freedom to drink, that’s fine, too. Please show some grace in how you approach those who do. If you who have the freedom are around someone without it, please show some grace to them by being respectful of their convictions instead of belittling them in the faith for it.

Unity in the essentials, right?

Okay, that’s it for my little Presbyterian w(h)ine. If I offended anyone, please show me some grace. I’ll do the same for you. 😉

Defeated perfectionists often become victims of their own high standards. They carry in their heads, partially subconscious, a picture of who they want to be and who they firmly believe they can and should be: their ideal self. When things are going well, they almost live up to this fantasy, but as soon as something goes wrong, as soon as some flaw or failure is noticeable, then their tendency to all-or-nothing thinking takes hold. They often perceive themselves as complete disasters: despicable, unreliable, incompetent people. Their ideal self and their perceived self are polar opposites. The inner tension is unbearable. The truth, which is rarely visible to them, is that their real self is somewhere in between the two. But it is almost impossible, without help, time and patience, for such a person to hold the two poles in a creative tension and live in the real world of both success and failure. It is this perceived discrepancy between “who I think I should be” and “who I think I really am” that is at the heart of the pain of perfectionism. The driven perfectionist works harder to close the gap; the defeated perfectionist gives up the fight. The healthy perfectionist is able to live in the tension.

From Perfecting Ourselves to Death by Richard Winter