How to begin this? Honestly, I wanted a few days off between handing over Baby M and getting a new placement. I’m not sure if I thought I *needed* the time, or just selfishly *wanted* it. One thing’s for sure, I wasn’t done grieving the loss of my sweet little baby boy.
I’m still not.
In fact, you might think this weird, but I slept with one of Baby M’s blankets right next to my face last night. Yep. True story. And I pretty much cried myself to sleep.
And if there is ever a time that Lamentations 3:22-23 self-fulfilled, it was today: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Mercies are new every morning. Every morning. It doesn’t mean that despair doesn’t eventually return. It often does and sometimes it does right away, but mercies are available and fresh every single morning. I awoke to that this morning and was grateful.
And before I even rolled out of bed I glanced at my phone, which I don’t normally keep next to the bed, but have grown accustomed to over the past month to check feeding times and such, I saw a message from our foster agency worker. She needed me to call her asap. I cleared my throat to try to sound a little less like I, you know, just woke up, and called her back.
In a nutshell, there was an emergency need for two little girls (sisters) to be transferred to a new short-term home as their foster father was in a serious car accident this morning. They were sorry to ask us since we’d just given up Baby M the afternoon before and knew we were still processing through that. I woke up quickly and was all, “Of course. Bring them. When will you be here?”
And that was that. We are now keeping up with J4 and M1.5. Sweet, sweet, SWEET little girls. With a sad story, like everyone else who spends time with us for a short season. Craig is absolutely smitten and wants to adopt them on the spot. If only it were that easy and if it were, would we survive, because we would adopt almost everyone who comes here. Crazy.
We don’t know how long these sweeties will be with us, but I’m thinking it will be shorter than the other kids we’ve had, as they’ve been in emergency care with the other family for a while now. But for however long they are with us, we will do our best to love and care for them.
It’s true. I wanted my cushy safe life back for a few days. I wanted to wallow in sadness over the baby. But what I wanted wasn’t exactly what God wanted. And I hope I will continue to want what He wants above what I want. I hope.
There were pockets during the day in which I was alone for a moment and something would remind me of yesterday. I folded a bunch of laundry and came across several of the 0-3 sleepers he looked so cute in and I fought back some tears. I saw a baby at Walmart tonight and teared up on the spot.
But then I had to snap back into the present and our present is that we have two extra little girls right now who really need us to be present with them. We’ll do what we can.